Hey, it’s Antoine.

Welcome to another issue of Founder Confessionals. This week we are talking about anxiety and imposter syndrome. I hope something here lightens the load, even a little. Now, let’s jump into the Pre Confession.

Series A looks like a victory from the outside. Inside, it feels like carrying a tray filled to the brim through a crowded room. Every step matters because a spill has consequences. At twenty plus people the math is not abstract. Every line in the payroll file is a rent, a daycare bill, a parent on a family plan. This is a founder who kept waiting for the floor to drop and learned how to carry the weight without breaking.

Payroll day used to feel like a milestone. Then we crossed twenty people and it started to feel like a weight I did not know how to carry.

I would open the bank account, see the total, and my brain would start running if then trees. If two customers slip. If the ad account underperforms. If the renewal we are counting on asks for a discount. I was not modeling. I was catastrophizing.

The part I did not expect was the faces. I know who is saving for a wedding. Who sends money to a parent. Who just had a baby. It suddenly felt like I was trying to build a company while holding people’s livelihoods in my hands. The thought that a choice I make, or a piece of bad luck, could take that away sat on my chest like a weight.

Then came a stretch where sleep went missing. For three weeks in a row I was awake at three in the morning, doing math that did not help. On the fourth Monday I called my co-founder during a walk. He was quiet and then said I am doing the same thing. I thought it was only me. We met early, wrote down what was scaring us, and walked straight to our head of finance. Can we go through runway line by line today. Assume we are anxious and need clarity. She pulled up the model and said you are carrying risk in your body instead of on paper. In the next hour we moved it to paper and into a routine. One page cash view. Two bright lines. A Tuesday check in.

Here is what I did next. I picked four things I could control and ran them every week. They became handles. They are small on purpose.

Cash handle

One page I can read in one minute. Cash on hand. Net burn. Runway. Next three cash events. Two rules on the same page. At twelve months of runway we pause hiring except revenue roles. At nine months we run a ready plan to cut fifteen percent without touching core product. We review this page every Tuesday for twenty minutes. Risk moved from my nervous system to the calendar.

People handle

Contact beats theater. One on ones use three questions. What feels heavy. What is in your way. What will be different by Friday. I keep a small list called promises made and close the loop fast. Doubt quiets when you keep small promises on time.

Decision handle

Ambiguity creates fear. Fear creates delay. Delay creates more ambiguity. We log decisions with owner, smallest reversible step, and check date. Reversible choices happen inside one day. Irreversible choices get three inputs and happen by day three. No hard choices after eight in the evening. Morning me is useful. Night me is dramatic.

Body handle

I started therapy once a week and treat it like a standing leadership meeting. It is the one hour where I say the worst case out loud and sort it into facts, actions, and fears. Two tools came from it. A ninety second reset where I name three things I see, two I hear, one I can feel. A fifteen minute worry window at five in the evening where I write the scary thoughts, then park them until the next window. I also keep one workout that does not allow thinking. I play five a side soccer on Tuesdays. During those forty five minutes there is no room for payroll math.

Scrolling LinkedIn and calling it research. It is mostly posturing and rarely the messy truth.

Trying to sound certain when I was scared.

Carrying worst case plans in my head instead of on paper.

Waiting to ask for help until I could package it as a smart question.

The company is not lighter. I am steadier.

One more thing. The anxiety and imposter feeling were louder because nothing in my past trained me to run a company at this size and speed. We went from two people to dozens quickly. There was no class in the middle. If that is you, find mentors early and tell them the whole truth. Do not keep it inside. From a mental health perspective it is vital. Founders carry high rates of anxiety and depression. Speak up sooner than you think. Most problems are solvable, and the ones that are not shrink when you share them.

You cannot make the weight disappear. You can learn to lift it, and you do not have to lift it alone.